The Troll of SkyClan
by VolcanicPizza
Summary: Troll and Llama, are ordinary kittypets. Okay, that's a lie. They aren't ordinary kittypets. Troll enjoys trolling other kittypets, and Llama is hopelessly addicted to marijuana and LSD. So what happens when they join SkyClan? It should be obvious... CHAOS! Rated T for drug content and all-around trolliness that will make your head explode. (HIATUS)
1. Allegiances

**A/N: My first trollfic, so don't be** ** _too_** **critical. Here goes.**

Allegiances:

Leader: Leafstar- brown-and-cream tabby she-cat with amber eyes

Deputy: Sharpclaw- ginger tom

Medicine cat: Echosong- silver tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Frecklewish-mottled light brown tabby she-cat with spotted legs

Warriors:

Patchfoot-black-and-white tom

Petalnose-pale gray she-cat

Sparrowpelt-dark brown tabby tom

Waspwhisker-gray-and-white tom

Fallowfern-pale brown she-cat

Shrewtooth-skinny black tom

Ebonyclaw-striking black she-cat

Billystorm-ginger-and-white tom

Harveymoon-white tom

Macgyver-black-and-white tom

Rockshade-black tom

Bouncefire-ginger tom

Tinycloud-small white she-cat

Sagefur-pale gray tom

Apprentice, Firepaw- ginger she-cat

Mintfur-gray tabby she-cat

Apprentice, Stormpaw- ginger-and-gray she-cat

Egg-cream-colored tom

Apprentice, Harrypaw- gray tom

Nettlesplash-pale brown tom

Creekfeather-gray tabby tom

Plumwillow-dark gray she-cat

Apprentice, Llamapaw- dark gray tabby she-cat

Rabbitleap-brown tom

Apprentice, Trollpaw- white tom with purple eyes

Birdwing-black she-cat

Honeysplash-very pale ginger she-cat

Sandyfoot-ginger tom with darker ears, legs, and tail-tip

Queens:

Clovertail-light brown she-cat with white belly and legs

Cherrytail-tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat, mother to Sharpclaw's kits, Frostkit (white tom), Silverkit (tortoiseshell she-cat) and Jaykit (mottled ginger-and-brown tom)

Elders:

Tangle-ragged tabby tom

 **A/N: If you're the kind of person who likes trollfics with lots of bad spelling, you have come to the wrong place.**


	2. Chapter 1: Troll and the LSD-High Llama

**A/N: Here goes...**

Troll looked out at the thick forest. "I wonder what's out there." he asked.

"We can't go out there," whined his sister Llama, "there's wild cats who eat bones for breakfast!"

"In other words, just the kind of cats we want to join!" Troll concluded.

"Yeah!" Troll faces appeared in both their eyes as they ran for the door. "So long, Twolegs! Have fun eating our dust!" Troll laughed with a giant troll face.

"Whee! That was fun!" Llama panted. She patted her nonexistent pockets. "Oh, no! I left my marijuana behind! The Twolegs'll smoke it all, I know it!"

"Don't get concerned." Troll grinned, pulling out marijuana. "I brought it and your cocaine too."

"Yay!" The drug-addicted feline fell on the drugs in a frenzy.

"Don't smoke it all," cautioned Troll, "we need to grow some wild."

"BLEAT! I'M A LLAMA!" squealed Llama, bouncing around.

Troll rolled his eyes. His sister was so random.

Suddenly cats jumped out of the bushes and shouted, "You're under arrest!"

"Huh? What does that mean?" asked Troll.

"Uh, I don't know. I saw it on a Twoleg TV show and thought it would be cool." said a ginger-and-white tom.

"Shuddup, Billystorm you mouse-brain!" hissed a ginger tom.

"We wanna join your Clan and eat bones!" Troll announced. "So does my sister Llama, if you can get her off her-" He was cut off as Llama bounced by with LSD in her paw yowling, "Whee!"

Troll sighed and face-pawed. "I was going to say 'weed high' but it seems she's found some LSD too."

"What's weed?" asked Billystorm curiously. "What's LSD? What's that stuff your amazingly sexy sister is holding?"

"Hey, I thought I was your mate!" yowled a brown-and-cream tabby she-cat.

"Not anymore, Leafstar!" shouted Billystorm. He stole some of Llama's LSD."Aah!" he squealed. "I see StarClan! I'm a medicine cat-daylight-warrior!"

"Uh... we already have two medicine cats." said Leafstar, who was very weirded out from this.

"But I see StarClan! They're offering me waffles!" Billystorm was on a hopeless LSD high, and few intelligible words would be heard from him until it wore off.

"Anyway..." Troll muttered. "Can I ask you a question, uh..."

"Sharpclaw." growled the ginger tom. "And you just did."

"Can I ask you two questions?"

"You just did." Troll faces danced in Sharpclaw's eyes; he was beginning to enjoy this.

"Can I ask you four questions?" Troll was getting hopelessly turned around by this.

"You just did." Sharpclaw laughed.

"When?" asked the thoroughly confused white tom.

"Now!" Sharpclaw laughed his head off and Billystorm and Llama picked it up and played soccer with it until Leafstar yelled at them. Then they stuck it back on with duct tape and Sharpclaw chased after them yowling until his head fell off again.

"I like turtles," said Sharpclaw's head.

"Well, that was random..." said Troll.

"BLEAT! I"M A LLAMA!" yelled Llama.

 **A/N: Well, that was random... make sure to review, or Llama will put you on an LSD high!**


	3. Chapter 2: Lots of Ctrl-V and Randomness

**A/N: Thanks to Raven Wing20, we're back on with The Troll of SkyClan! Yay! (flops around like a deranged fish)**

 **PizaSmokesWeed: I'm well aware of that.**

 **Starkiller: This is a trollfic. I'm not sure you understand the concept of that...**

 **weewee: I don't use LSD because I'd like to live long enough to get a drivers' license, thanks very much.**

 **Raven Wing20: I think you'll particularly like what I've got planned next...**

 **Also, remember that, being a trollfic, this does not stick to canon on purpose, and I've omitted or changed some SkyClan policies.**

 **And finally, if you'd like to do a commentary on The Troll of SkyClan, that's fine, just tell me so I can read it and laugh at my own mistakes/things you managed to find that I missed.**

Once Troll had convinced Sharpclaw that his and Llama's intentions were benign, despite the fact that he had indirectly contributed to Sharpclaw's head falling off, the patrol was in agreement to take the two kittypets to SkyClan camp to become apprentices.

Leafstar jumped up on top of the Rockpile. "Let all fanfiction writers who copy-and-paste their ceremonies from the Warriors wiki join here beneath the Rockpile for a Clan meeting!" she yowled. Quickly she realized her mistake and corrected herself, "I mean, let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the Rockpile for a Clan meeting!"

The cats of SkyClan quickly gathered, and Leafstar stated, "These two kittypets, Troll and Llama, have both expressed the desire to join SkyClan. So tonight they will become apprentices of SkyClan."

 _How'd it go from morning to night so quickly?_ thought Troll in confusion, looking at the setting sun. The author is totally not being lazy and just screwing with the time and hoping you don't notice.

"(Kit)Troll, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as (new name, ending with "paw")Trollpaw. Your mentor will be (name of warrior or medicine cat)Rabbitleap. I hope (name of warrior or medicine cat)Rabbitleap will pass down all he/she knows on to you." Leafstar announced. "The author is totally not hitting ctrl-v."

(name of warrior or medicine cat)Rabbitleap walked over to the newly-named (new name, ending with "paw")Trollpaw. "What do I do?" whispered (new name, ending with "paw")Trollpaw.

"Lick my shoulder." whispered (name of warrior or medicine cat)Rabbitleap.

(new name, ending with "paw")Trollpaw licked his shoulder and stood back.

"(Kit)Llama, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as (new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw. Your mentor will be (name of warrior or medicine cat)Plumwillow. I hope (name of warrior or medicine cat)Plumwillow will pass down all he/she knows on to you." Leafstar told Llama. "The author is totally not hitting ctrl-v."

"I'm in the middle of something!" (new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw screeched at (name of warrior or medicine cat)Plumwillow, who was approaching from the crowd.

"Look, just lick my shoulder." hissed (name of warrior or medicine cat)Plumwillow.

"Is it LSD?" (new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw screeched in delight. She licked (name of warrior or medicine cat)Plumwillow's shoulder, only to step back, spitting. "Yuck! That's fur, not LSD! You lied to me!"

(new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw careened backwards towards Echosong, who was reattaching Sharpclaw's head (which had mysteriously fallen off again) with duct tape. "There, that should hold." Echosong meowed. Unfortunately, she hadn't accounted for (new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw on LSD, marijuana, and cocaine at the same time. The combination of drugs had turned (new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw into a sixty-ton bulldozer on steroids which was practically being pulled by gravity towards Sharpclaw.

Sharpclaw's head went flying, and the sixty-ton bulldozer on steroids beeped as it turned around and headed for the Rockpile.

Cats screamed "Twoleg monster!" and ran in all directions.

"Don't be alarmed!" yowled (new name, ending with "paw")Trollpaw. "(new name, ending with "paw")Llamapaw just turns into a bulldozer on steroids when she takes LSD, marijuana, and cocaine at the same time."

"Cool! I wonder what it'll do to me?" Billystorm wondered. He took all three drugs and shortly turned into a Little Tikes Princess Cozy Coupe Ride-On, Light Pink, 49.64 at Walmart.

"I am not amused." Billystorm growled.

 **A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed and also hope Billystorm stays as a pink little-kid car for longer than ten minutes. Unfortunately, I don't think that'll be the case.**


End file.
